Why are the true stages of motherhood never revealed?
Here you'll find what they never told me, what I discovered through the beautiful, demanding, and difficult experience of being a mother, looking back and after several years of comparing women, seeing that these moments present themselves to all of us like unstoppable tides.
- That illusion. That excitement about what's to come, with all your conflicting but still manageable emotions, still. Your body changes, and perhaps your appetite, your nausea, your glow, you still recognize yourself entering the wheel of the adventure that begins… alone you rush to venture into the world of…
- Who is that? Hidden in a disoriented body in its hormonal storm that doesn't seem like yours, that hurts, that resents, that pulls and stretches, tired with heat strokes, mood swings, gaining weight on a roller coaster that will soon make its descent...
- Will it be today? Loaded with fear, uncertainty, and discomfort. The day will come... that day when you have to give it your all, whether it's for 1 hour or 24 hours, with no experience, with or without an epidural, hospitalized or at home, not knowing how it will start, or where, or how... but with your suitcase packed, even if you're never near it when it happens.
- The big dreamThat's right, lots and lots of sleep, baby and adult cries, diapers, breastfeeding! If they let you! Because those around you will be busy telling you the three million pieces of parenting and breastfeeding advice you've probably read in the last nine months. This is where the "bad mood" comes from. Your mother, your husband, your baby... the most beautiful things in the world sometimes turn into feelings that suffocate you and make you want to run away and escape from yourself.
- Bye bye baby! The separation. When you start to settle into everything… you say goodbye to your baby and go to work, the acting is over, you think the trip is over, you feel like you're no longer enjoying that vacation that lasted a week but started a year ago.
- Where is my time. How a routine can change so much. Now I know what routine is. You pursue a routine you've just discovered while following the advice of the entire community of Earth mothers who seem to have forgotten that they, too, have reached this time.
- Stress educationThey too were devastated, suffering from postpartum depression, which is rarely discussed, and even less so from the depression that comes when your children walk on their own and run off into the world, leaving you behind with what's left of you. Looking at your partner, who seems to stare at you critically from the nearest distance, you no longer know him or recognize him. Your social life, your relationship, your family life, your body, your hobbies... Will it be possible to start over?
- Follow the tunnel to the light. But you know what? You can start over, because after hitting rock bottom, and when it seems like our entire castle, which never really existed, is gone, you regain momentum and start breathing again, walking again, smiling again, you find the woman inside you again, and you'll unleash her until you once again conquer the world, no longer living life through all the people around you, finding your center again. The light will come, I promise, and in truth, it's always been hidden inside you, but you didn't even look at it, so open the door and see your light, so that you can live again.
To all the mothers who struggle, connected by imaginary umbilical cords to this humanity that will never know what they went through until they complete the circle as mothers.
Cristina Oroz Bajo